Steven P. BarrettRED STATE/BLUE STATE -- OR -- "JESUSLAND"? GOOD HEAVENS!
September 1st 2008 01:31
By Steven Barrett
What a fun time this campaign will be this year. At least kids in school might finally learn their American geography lessons, if not the history behind them. Well, I'll settle for one "victory" at a time.
Do you live in a Red State, Blue State, Dixie, "Urbane" Northeast, "Gritty Midwest," "Caleeeeforneeea," "Political thinking au lait" in the upper NW, or the most "northern Southern Red State" that unashamed to elect women who carry moose rifles and take on the good ol'boys way north of the Mason/Dixon Line? I like this one, although it's more than a bit heavy on the sarcastic side, "Jesusland."
I'll admit to having a reddish neck at times when it comes to social issues and foreign policy matters, but my neck can also get a more than a tad blue when it comes to economic issues, especially when I think the small folks are getting a hosing or two. On the other hand, I don't know if I'm quite willing to go THIS far, even though Hank Williams, Jr.'s song "If the South would've won ... " has a catchy tune and some funny lyrics:
If the South would’ve won we'd a had it made,
I'd prob’ly run for President of the Southern States.
The day Elvis passed away would be our national holiday,
If the South would a won we'd had a it made.
I'd make my Supreme Court down in Texas,
And we wouldn't have no killers gettin’off free.
If they were proven guilty, then they would swing quickly,
Instead of writin’ books and smilin’ on T.V.
We'd all learn Cajun cookin in Louisiana,
And I'd put that capitol back in Alabama.
We'd put Florida on the right track ‘cause,
we'd take Miami back,
And throw all them pushers in the slammer.
If the South would’ve won we'd a had it made,
I'd prolly run for President of the Southern States.
The day young Skynyrd died we’d show our Southern Pride,
If the South would a won we'd had a it made.
I'd have all the whiskey made in Tennessee,
And all the horses raised in those Kentucky hills.
The national treasury would be in Tupelo, Mississippi
And I'd put Hank William’s picture on one hundred dollar bills.
I'd have all the cars made in the Carolina's,
And I'd ban all the ones made in China.
I'd have every girl and child
sent to Georgia to learn to smile,
And talk with that southern accent that drives me wild.
I'd have all the fiddles made in Virginia
Cause they sure can make'em sound so fine.
I'm goin up on Wolverton mountain and see ole Clifton Clowers,
And have a sip of his good ole Arkansas wine.
Hey, if the South woulda won we'd had it made
I'd prolly run for President of the Southern States,
When Patsy Cline passed away
that would be our national holiday,
If the South woulda won we'd a had it made.
If the South woulda won we'd a had it made.
We might even be better off.
Okay, I'm sure we all wouldn't have been better off with a permanently divided once "United States" -- especially if you're Black. Let's jes' say Hank, aka "Bocephus" loves to have some good ol' boy fun while making a lot of Yankee dollars along the way.
I'm sure as hell glad to be way up here in New England than biting my fingers down on the Gulf.
Let's face it though, we are a divided country again. We can create the best government on the face of the earth. Build the largest highway system and most technologically advanced nation, but we just can't seem to sit down and have a civic discussion without wishing we hadn't left our guns in our car trunks or the saloon keeper's bar.
We're hurting inside and we're more interested in digging in than reaching out. Okay, that sounds like an Obama-Oprahesque touchy-feel good phrase, but hell's bells, it's hard to deny it! At least insofar as politics is concerned.
Last Friday I watched Bill Moyers interview two excellent twin-scholars, (yep, they're twins separated by two academic universities in life), Merle and Earl Black who wrote Divided America. Just this morning I saw a story posted in today's Boston.com Sunday Globe about the GOP's decision to feature more pachyderms from all the rings under the circus tent, not just those in Dixie or "Jesusland." (Lord, what a name! eh -- oops, wrong country.)
Really Long Link
Really Long Link
That kind of -- regional appeasment -- might not make Hank very happy, but it's "good politics" on the whole. Besides, the Southern elephants have A LOT more important things to be worried about than either how many Southern accents viewsers at home will be listening to or how many red states they've got to keep Obama from taking. At least they won't have Mike Brown or the former Dem gov of Louisiana to worry about jamming the works. But if I were New Orleanians, I would've evacuated Ray Nagin first.
They've got -- Gustav -- the ultimate party crasher packing more windpower than all the political gatherings eve combined -- including Obama's -- ever since man learned how to write. 'Gonna be a lot of dark skies in the Sunbelt tomorrow!
My prayers -- and all our prayers -- should go out to all of those living down in what those states, cities, towns and villages those damn smart alecky Yankees up my way like to sneer at as "Jesusland."
Will y'all sing "If Heaven ain't a lot like Dixie, I don' wanna go..."
What a fun time this campaign will be this year. At least kids in school might finally learn their American geography lessons, if not the history behind them. Well, I'll settle for one "victory" at a time.
Do you live in a Red State, Blue State, Dixie, "Urbane" Northeast, "Gritty Midwest," "Caleeeeforneeea," "Political thinking au lait" in the upper NW, or the most "northern Southern Red State" that unashamed to elect women who carry moose rifles and take on the good ol'boys way north of the Mason/Dixon Line? I like this one, although it's more than a bit heavy on the sarcastic side, "Jesusland."
I'll admit to having a reddish neck at times when it comes to social issues and foreign policy matters, but my neck can also get a more than a tad blue when it comes to economic issues, especially when I think the small folks are getting a hosing or two. On the other hand, I don't know if I'm quite willing to go THIS far, even though Hank Williams, Jr.'s song "If the South would've won ... " has a catchy tune and some funny lyrics:
If the South would’ve won we'd a had it made,
I'd prob’ly run for President of the Southern States.
The day Elvis passed away would be our national holiday,
If the South would a won we'd had a it made.
I'd make my Supreme Court down in Texas,
And we wouldn't have no killers gettin’off free.
If they were proven guilty, then they would swing quickly,
We'd all learn Cajun cookin in Louisiana,
And I'd put that capitol back in Alabama.
We'd put Florida on the right track ‘cause,
we'd take Miami back,
And throw all them pushers in the slammer.
If the South would’ve won we'd a had it made,
I'd prolly run for President of the Southern States.
The day young Skynyrd died we’d show our Southern Pride,
If the South would a won we'd had a it made.
I'd have all the whiskey made in Tennessee,
And all the horses raised in those Kentucky hills.
The national treasury would be in Tupelo, Mississippi
And I'd put Hank William’s picture on one hundred dollar bills.
I'd have all the cars made in the Carolina's,
And I'd ban all the ones made in China.
I'd have every girl and child
sent to Georgia to learn to smile,
And talk with that southern accent that drives me wild.
I'd have all the fiddles made in Virginia
Cause they sure can make'em sound so fine.
I'm goin up on Wolverton mountain and see ole Clifton Clowers,
And have a sip of his good ole Arkansas wine.
Hey, if the South woulda won we'd had it made
I'd prolly run for President of the Southern States,
When Patsy Cline passed away
that would be our national holiday,
If the South woulda won we'd a had it made.
If the South woulda won we'd a had it made.
We might even be better off.
Hank Williams, Jr.
Okay, I'm sure we all wouldn't have been better off with a permanently divided once "United States" -- especially if you're Black. Let's jes' say Hank, aka "Bocephus" loves to have some good ol' boy fun while making a lot of Yankee dollars along the way.
I'm sure as hell glad to be way up here in New England than biting my fingers down on the Gulf.
Let's face it though, we are a divided country again. We can create the best government on the face of the earth. Build the largest highway system and most technologically advanced nation, but we just can't seem to sit down and have a civic discussion without wishing we hadn't left our guns in our car trunks or the saloon keeper's bar.
We're hurting inside and we're more interested in digging in than reaching out. Okay, that sounds like an Obama-Oprahesque touchy-feel good phrase, but hell's bells, it's hard to deny it! At least insofar as politics is concerned.
Last Friday I watched Bill Moyers interview two excellent twin-scholars, (yep, they're twins separated by two academic universities in life), Merle and Earl Black who wrote Divided America. Just this morning I saw a story posted in today's Boston.com Sunday Globe about the GOP's decision to feature more pachyderms from all the rings under the circus tent, not just those in Dixie or "Jesusland." (Lord, what a name! eh -- oops, wrong country.)
Really Long Link
Really Long Link
That kind of -- regional appeasment -- might not make Hank very happy, but it's "good politics" on the whole. Besides, the Southern elephants have A LOT more important things to be worried about than either how many Southern accents viewsers at home will be listening to or how many red states they've got to keep Obama from taking. At least they won't have Mike Brown or the former Dem gov of Louisiana to worry about jamming the works. But if I were New Orleanians, I would've evacuated Ray Nagin first.
They've got -- Gustav -- the ultimate party crasher packing more windpower than all the political gatherings eve combined -- including Obama's -- ever since man learned how to write. 'Gonna be a lot of dark skies in the Sunbelt tomorrow!
My prayers -- and all our prayers -- should go out to all of those living down in what those states, cities, towns and villages those damn smart alecky Yankees up my way like to sneer at as "Jesusland."
Will y'all sing "If Heaven ain't a lot like Dixie, I don' wanna go..."
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